What does ‘Normal’ mean? ‘Normal’ rarely encourages us to express our creativity or identity. Growing up, it was definitely not something that appealed to me. I cared for nothing but music, and I lived this music through dance and theatre. I didn’t want school - I wanted rhythms and sounds to be free to dance to. But although I enjoyed my hobby, I lacked a sense of belonging.
We are told from a young age that the binary path laid out for us involving rigid developmental structures is the only correct route to follow. What if you do not fit that way of being? You might take it out on yourself, you might pressure yourself to fit into the construct, you might feel guilty when you do not make the cut. Belonging is a human need and I felt alienated.
“Music proved essential in being comfortable in myself”
I said enough is enough, I wanted more from life. I wanted to discover and express who I really was - I wanted to belong in my own skin. So, whilst following this path, I made decisions to be more true to myself. I came out, I began producing electronic music, and I started indulging in the rave scene. I had uncovered the world within me that I tried so hard to hide, and the electronic music scene accepted my identity with no questions.
Electronic music and the culture surrounding it was the catalyst for me discovering what I actually valued in life. I discovered that love, self acceptance and meaningful connections were all that I really wanted. Music is subjective, it means many different things to people. Electronic music, like any type of music, should not be judged at face value. To me it represents the future, change and healing.
I think electronic music is relational art. The canvas is the dance floor, the paint brush is the DJ and the audience’s experience is the art. Identities and interpersonal relationships are bound within music. Music heals, it gives people a soundtrack to their cause, a spiritual connection to the people around them. Cause and effect, rhythm and dance; the music communicates its messages through the collective bodies of the audience.
For there to be light, there must be dark. I have used all the challenges I have faced in my life as lessons in which to fuel my creativity. I lost my way trying to fit into other people’s ideals, now I have returned to the one constant in my life, music, that proved so essential in being comfortable in myself. I would ask you what you love doing, and if it isn't part of your everyday life then to find a way of implementing it.